I don't like my job. What can I do to
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DORIS ANN'S OBSERVATION:
Feel free to email questions
concerning life's journey. I'll place a video on the web with an answer.
I’m crumbled into a ball
The threads of my days
Frayed at the ends…
I smile my tears away
Knowing the route I must travel
Yet trying to ignore the events
That have brought us to this place
Heavy with grief
I look into your face
Glowing with the peaceful light
Of ease and acceptance
Ohh my heart…
How it breaks
Quietly you squeeze my hand
Our eyes meet
In a wordless good-bye
For that brief moment
I feel the timelessness of NOW.
©Doris Ann Bridgehouse
Love comforts the magic hidden in the human heart.
WHAT LOVE IS NOT
Within all humans, there dwells a powerful force of an instinctual nature to reach out and touch and be touched by someone. We want this so passionately, emotionally, and physically we are easily led in the wrong direction.
There are movies, songs, and all types of sonnets that express the joys and torment associated with falling in love. And it is ironic how many of us have love in our lives, but we knead and pull at it like a wad of dough until it no longer resembles the love we once enjoyed. Let us question “what love is and what love is not.” In the examples below, find what the word love means to you.
LOVE IS NOT PRETENDING
Manipulating a loved one to attain what you want is far from love. A true act of loving anyone is loving a person for who they are, and not for whom you wish them to be.
Example: Love, Self-Centeredness Shrouds Love
Through Doug’s childhood his family treated him with indifference—most of the time he was left to shift for himself. At the age of eight, his parents divorced. Neither parent was dedicated to his well being or mature enough to give him love. Their inaction made him feel neglected and lonely. He coped with his unhealthy environment by using his wit to divert attention from his insecurities.
Underneath all his bravado, Doug was a miserable angry person. He secretly cursed everybody—thinking everyone else’s life was easier than his. He related to people as if he was watching a play—disconnected (see Chapter XV, Unfulfilled People).
Since he was never satisfied in his space, he would prey on people’s weaknesses. He never cared what kind of destruction he caused. Anytime he was confronted with a ghastly deed, he made excuses to justify his behavior.
He rarely apologized, and when he did, he looked at the gesture as another form of perfecting his technique. Doug’s self-centeredness depletes his energy field. Eventually, he will lose his sense of connection to his spirit and bitterly blame others for his empty life.
LOVE AND LIES
There are degrees of lying. Everyone has heard of the white lie—a lie to soften a hostile situation. And there is the dark lie—a lie to deceive or manipulate. I admit I have told my share of white lies in order to protect someone. Or I have omitted the truth about something because it would have done no one any good to repeat what I knew.
Generally, I feel the truth will set one free. Lying reshuffles one’s challenges, and they do not solve anything. Everyone has to make the call for oneself, and later own-up. In either case, anything that is concealed causes conflict.
Example: Love and Lying
A friend of mine, Kelly, has been married for ten years. She accidentally discovered her husband has been in contact with his ex-girlfriend; they were an item fifteen years earlier. She broke it off.
After Kelly checked into her husband’s e-mail and personal files, she realized he has been seeing former girlfriend for three years. When he was confronted, he explained he did not want to tell her because he would not want to know if she were seeing her ex-boyfriend. Needless to say, she feels utterly betrayed and crushed that the last three years of her marriage have been a mirage.
Intimacy begins at home not outside the home. Partners should be transparent about their relationships with each other. And for the sake of their marriage, the missing details ought to be disclosed. I think it is best they have a deep conversation in the presence of a marriage counselor. I suggested her husband pick the analyst.
LOVE IS NOT AN ILLUSION
Below are the few examples that relate to love illusions:
* Love cannot diminish our demons from the past.
* Love will not make life easier or happier.
* Love cannot make Mr. or Ms Wrong into a Mr. or Ms Right.
* Never expect anyone to be the “one.”
* Peek behind one’s bravado and demeanor. Explore the light as well as the hidden side of a person. Annoyances in the present moment are not going away.
* If one is providing for his or her family that does not mean one should dismiss other family necessities such as compassion and affection.
* When you think another person has to change to make your life perfect, you do not understand the art of loving.
* Some men and women are physically or emotionally abusive. They may apologize for their action or flamboyant indiscretion, yet think nothing of practicing the same negative habit again.
* When it comes to the matters of the heart, the person who says “no,” for whatever reason, should be respected.
LOVE VERSES REJECTION
I would like to address the heartache of loving someone who may not love you. Everyone will experience this disappointment throughout life—we adjust. Furthermore while someone is expressing their truth, even if it feels painful, deliberately avoiding it can produce the same results. When we truly love a person—and for our self-growth—we must allow that person who has rejected us to live in peace.
I feel sour love affairs should be broken off at the ankle. Do not contact an ex or attempt to persuade him or her to come back to you. If you do, you two will repeat the same dance until both of you have had enough.
Much of our misery has to do with an expectation or loss of a connection than it has to do with love. Let us compare love to a diamond and cubic-zirconia. The zirconia may sparkle like a diamond—but they are not the real thing. They do not have the same depth. It is the same for love. If you are not thankful for the love you have felt, you have not experienced love—forgo your attachment.
Do not sit in judgment or feel a failed relationship was a lost opportunity. Someone else’s opinion of us should not improve or disprove our image. And everyone has a right to be in a space that makes him or her feel full.
I find the pursuit of marriage proposals a burning issue with some couples. Listen to each other and clear the air how both of you feel about marriage. If the factor of marriage is not what one part of the couple wants, the relationship is bound to head toward a self-destructive path.
Example: Love, Regret, and Rejection
Let us suppose a friend of yours introduced you to a man named Vincent. From the beginning both of you enjoyed each others company. You fell hopelessly in love with him. On a weekend get away, he suggested it was time to look at engagement rings. After several stores, you had cozy lunch at an outside restaurant.
Based on one of Vincent’s commitments, you thought it was time to confront him about a personal subject you have been keeping on the back burner. He did not respond well to your conversation. A week later he dumped you without an explanation. You are still madly in love with Vincent. Daily, you beat yourself-up thinking you should have delayed speaking with him until he gave you a ring.
Put yourself to the test. Ask “why” you took so long to address a personal issue in the first place? Would you want to live with someone who refuses to compromise or speak to you about uncomfortable situations? You cannot change anyone. You can only change yourself.
Start expressing how you feel. Be disconcerting and specific about what you want. This will attract people who genuinely like you for the person you are, and repel those who do not. I think it is better to take a stiff rejection in the beginning of a relationship than wait indefinitely for the “we need to have a serious talk.”
Continue with WHAT LOVE IS NOT....next month
(Excerpt taken from "Searching Within")